But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
