woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it because I queefed?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
