im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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