Apparently you make a good broom.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
