Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
