Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
