Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
