i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
