I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
