took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
