I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
