rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When are your genitals available?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
