Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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