That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
