now i know why i became what i already was.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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