how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
