Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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