We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
