Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
