Cold hands, warm shart.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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