I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
