Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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