I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
