Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
