Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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