You just made me feel so damn special
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
