Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
