I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
