Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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