so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
