lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
