her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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