I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
