I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
