My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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