Just cropdusted the office
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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