how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
