I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
