when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
