i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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