Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
