Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
