The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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