i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
