Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
