anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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