so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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