That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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