he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
