Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
