i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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