we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
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He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
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We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize