I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
