So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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