Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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