I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
