get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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