the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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