FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
