She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
