summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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