So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You smell like stripper and shame
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I am naked and annoyed.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
