Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
