My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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