You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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