I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
