At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
