I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
