Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
