My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
