Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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