just survived the first fart of the relationship.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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