We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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