watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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