Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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