??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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