YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
