She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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