enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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