My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
