He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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